Culture Corner | American Weddings

In this episode of The A to Z English Podcast, Xochitl and Jack discuss American weddings.

Transcript:

00:00:01

Jack

Welcome to the A-Z English podcast. My name is Jack and I’m here with my co-host social. And today we have a culture corner episode for you and social. This is from our students. This question comes from our students and this the question is I want to know how Americans plan a wedding.

00:00:22

Jack

Do Americans have a dowry? Is there a dowry system in the United States?

00:00:29

Jack

So should we start with like just?

00:00:31

Jack

How Americans plan a wedding.

00:00:34

Xochitl

Yeah. And Jack, I would be interested.

00:00:36

Xochitl

To know about this because I bet you have like.

00:00:38

Xochitl

A lot of cultural.

00:00:38

Xochitl

But I don’t there since I know through like other people, but I don’t know.

00:00:47

Xochitl

There’s things I’ve heard about American weddings, but I like US weddings, but I’m not super like.

00:00:55

Jack

Ohh yeah yeah I.

00:00:57

Jack

I used to work. Uh. I used to work in the wedding industry. I was.

00:01:00

Jack

A wedding DJ in college.

00:01:02

Xochitl

Ohh, that’s cool. Yeah. Yeah, that’s really.

00:01:05

Xochitl

Interesting. I didn’t know that. Yeah, I’m not too first because a lot of stuff I know is through my mom. Who that’s like.

00:01:11

Xochitl

More Mexican weddings.

00:01:15

Xochitl

So yeah, anyway.

00:01:17

Jack

So maybe we’ll go backwards. We’ll start with the dowry, because I think, Simply put, most American weddings, didn’t you do not have a dowry in marriage.

00:01:27

Xochitl

Right.

00:01:28

Xochitl

I think what’s interesting is in the US culture, usually the brides parents paid for the wedding, correct?

00:01:36

Jack

Yeah, that’s true that traditionally that’s that’s true. The the Brides parents pay for the wedding.

00:01:44

Jack

What did the what?

00:01:45

Jack

Do the uh.

00:01:47

Jack

Groom’s pants. Pay for.

00:01:51

Xochitl

I don’t. I don’t know, Jack. I’m.

00:01:53

Xochitl

Gonna Google this while our listeners?

00:01:55

발표자

Maybe it maybe.

00:01:56

Jack

Traditionally it was like you, the bride’s parents, pay and then the the husband is expected to work and take care of the wife like.

00:02:04

Jack

That’s the.

00:02:05

Jack

The arrangement.

00:02:06

Xochitl

Especially the groom’s parents paid for honeymoon, marriage, license, rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, efficient fees, rooms and gifts, flowers, boutonnieres engagement party entertainment, groom and bride gift, wedding night accommodations and wedding transportation.

00:02:27

Xochitl

And groom and groom’s been attired.

00:02:30

Jack

OK, OK. So all those little little things that they pay for the probably add up to about the same as what the the bride is paying for.

00:02:43

Xochitl

Maybe, and it might be like how I guess traditionally the man was expected to like, have a home.

00:02:51

Xochitl

Ready for the to move into?

00:02:53

Xochitl

So I guess that’s kind of what his family is.

00:02:58

Xochitl

Contributing towards, I guess the home and it’s usually furnished and everything. So maybe that’s why they.

00:03:06

Xochitl

The bride’s parents pay for the.

00:03:11

Jack

Right, right. And but I think I would say like that, all that stuff we just talked about is pretty much out the window these days like there’s so many different.

00:03:21

Jack

Versions of this where like couples will pay for.

00:03:24

Jack

Their own weddings.

00:03:26

Jack

The parents will just, you know, split.

00:03:30

Jack

The cost 5050.

00:03:32

Jack

Whatever you know, just the the bride and groom will give the parents a bill essentially and then then the parents will pay for half and the other.

00:03:39

Jack

Parents will pay for half.

00:03:41

Jack

Like there’s just so there’s like a million different ways that people finance weddings these days.

00:03:47

Xochitl

Yeah, there’s many other iterations I would say of how it’s done today. I think for me, I would just feel the most comfortable paying for my own wedding cause then I’m not on anyone else’s budget. I get to do what I want to do and also what I can afford and I don’t have to feel bad about where I spend my money. Like I could say I want a really expensive dress, but I don’t care about.

00:04:07

Xochitl

The flowers or something, but if someone else is is footing the bill, I feel like they have a lot of control or a lot of.

00:04:13

Xochitl

Say, does that make sense?

00:04:14

Jack

Yes, it makes a a ton of sense, like as long as you if you do it yourself, then you get to make all the decisions and no one can tell you what to.

00:04:24

Jack

So that’s it.

00:04:24

Xochitl

Yeah, which sounds like the dream for me.

00:04:27

Jack

Yeah. Yeah, I think that’s, I agree with that. I think a lot of couples do that or they’ll have really small weddings. They’re saying let’s do a small wedding, but we get full control. And I I agree with that to be honest, because I think too many people, too many couples are concerned with. They want to have a great wedding.

00:04:47

Jack

But they forget about having a good marriage. You know, it’s like have a great marriage and.

00:04:50

Xochitl

Right, that’s important.

00:04:53

Jack

An OK wedding.

00:04:54

Jack

You know.

00:04:54

Xochitl

Right. Yeah, just what can.

00:04:58

Xochitl

We ask, is it rude to ask what?

00:05:00

Xochitl

You and your wife did or.

00:05:02

Jack

No, no, it’s fine. Actually, we we followed that strategy ourselves. We didn’t have a wedding. We.

00:05:10

Jack

What we did was we had like of a kind of family get together in Korea where my family met her family and we all went to a restaurant and then we, my wife and I went down to the embassy and we basically bounced back between the embassy and the City Hall for about.

00:05:31

Jack

8 hours getting documents signed, going back to the embassy, getting this signed so that we could be officially be married.

00:05:39

Jack

And so yeah, it wasn’t a very romantic day. It was more stressful, you know, just going to translation services and things like that. It’s a lot easier now. But this was 20 years ago and.

00:05:52

Xochitl

Right.

00:05:54

Jack

But, but you know, we’ve had a great. We’ve had a great marriage. So you know it wasn’t it wasn’t the traditional way of doing it with like a a wedding and stuff like that. But. But I don’t think she or I have, I don’t think either of us have any regrets about doing it that way.

00:06:13

Xochitl

Yeah. Did you face any pressure from either of your parents, like your parents?

00:06:17

Xochitl

Or her parents about her.

00:06:19

Jack

No, no, not at all. Maybe a little bit. I think the, you know in Korea there’s like an opportunity to make some money. You know you invite a lot of guests.

00:06:32

Jack

To the wedding, and then everybody just gives like 50 bucks or.

00:06:36

Jack

Whatever that we missed out on that, which was pretty stupid, you know, we could have we left a lot of a lot of money on the table so to speak.

00:06:37

발표자

Right.

00:06:45

Xochitl

Right.

00:06:49

Xochitl

But at the end of the day, you would have had to spend quite a bit of money on the wedding, so you might have just ended up recouping those costs but not really profiting.

00:06:58

Jack

Exactly. There’s no guarantee we would have, you know, made that much after and. And we don’t know, you know, that many people. So we don’t know how many guests we would have had, you know, some weddings that, you know, you get 1000 guests, right? Everybody’s giving 50 or 100 bucks. I mean, you can.

00:07:16

Jack

Like a lot of money. But, you know, ours would have been smaller. And so, yeah, and. And as far as like, a dowry system goes, you know, dowry is basically like the the the bride’s parents offer money to the.

00:07:18

Xochitl

Right.

00:07:35

Jack

To the husbands, to.

00:07:36

Jack

The groom’s parents. Is that not right and?

00:07:39

Xochitl

That is right, yeah.

00:07:43

Xochitl

And in this situation, it’s basically the bright.

00:07:46

Jack

Ohh wait, no, I’ve got it backwards. I’m sorry. It’s the groom’s parents that have to give the money to the brides parents, right?

00:07:58

Jack

I think I’ve got it backwards.

00:08:00

Jack

Yeah, dowry is a dowry. Is the husband that gives money to the.

00:08:00

발표자

And then.

00:08:03

Xochitl

It says no, it says property money brought by a bride who has been on their marriage. So it is from the bride and her family to the husband.

00:08:13

Jack

Oh, OK. That’s what the diary is. OK. OK. I thought it was the other way around. I guess I’m. I was confused. OK, so it’s the it’s the bride’s family offering money to the the groom’s family.

00:08:28

Xochitl

Uh, it says dowry contrast with the related concepts of bride price and dower, which I suppose are when the green gives money to her parents. So in these situations the man and this is, I mean I don’t know. I don’t really know about bringing Mexican culture into.

00:08:48

Xochitl

This but this is kind of.

00:08:49

Xochitl

Different in Mexican culture.

00:08:51

Xochitl

The man’s family pays for I. I’m not really sure who pays for what. I believe the man’s family pays for more, but they also pay a bribe price. Traditionally, it’s not really done anymore these days. I think now most young couples pay their own weddings. Even my parents paid the their wedding, I believe.

00:09:12

Xochitl

And my dad paid for most of it, but my mom also.

00:09:16

Xochitl

Paid towards the wedding but.

00:09:22

Xochitl

I was just saying the man there traditionally would give like cattle money.

00:09:31

Xochitl

You know, farm animals really usually like ex heads of cattle ex chickens, ex turkeys, whatever. To the brides family, so.

00:09:42

Xochitl

You’re you are.

00:09:43

Xochitl

Giving substantial amount of money.

00:09:45

Xochitl

For your wife, basically, in exchange for your wife, kind of. And the US is a little different because.

00:09:53

Xochitl

In more modern day culture, the brides the bride’s parents are the ones who pay for the wedding, traditionally so.

00:09:59

Jack

Yes, man, right. In some countries it’s like the the you know, it’s like you’re lucky to be marrying my my son. And in other countries it’s like you’re lucky to be marrying my daughter. It kind of bounces back between the two. I mean, I would say in modern in, you know, in modern American culture there’s no dowry system. You know, there’s no.

00:10:11

Xochitl

Right, yeah.

00:10:20

Jack

There’s no more, but back in the olden days, like what social was talking about, you’d be like, yeah, sure.

00:10:26

Jack

You know the part of the negotiation would be you marry my daughter, I give you 25 head of cattle, you know, and 60 acres of land, you know, whatever. Like, you know. And and and it was a it was a negotiation because because back in those days.

00:10:39

발표자

Right.

00:10:44

Jack

In American culture, like, you know, 1800s or whatever, women were considered property of men.

00:10:53

Jack

UM.

00:10:53

발표자

Right.

00:10:54

Jack

And so, you know, we just.

00:10:55

발표자

We don’t think in.

00:10:56

Jack

Those terms anymore we, you know.

00:10:57

Xochitl

It’s funny though, because it’s like even though we’re considered.

00:10:58

Jack

We have we lived in.

00:11:01

Xochitl

Property of men. Our families are paying for.

00:11:03

Xochitl

A man to take us.

00:11:06

Xochitl

So that’s kind of so that’s stupid, but also the other thing I I’m I will argue is that I think it’s still pretty common in the US for the brides parents to pay.

00:11:16

Xochitl

Me for the wedding and I think that that constitutes a dowry.

00:11:22

Xochitl

To me, it’s.

00:11:22

Xochitl

Almost like a dowry. Because why aren’t the groom’s parents really paying? It’s the right. Like it’s customary for the bride.

00:11:30

Xochitl

‘S parents to.

00:11:30

Xochitl

Pay. So I think that that’s like a.

00:11:33

Xochitl

Remnant of dowry culture in my opinion.

00:11:36

Jack

I would agree with that. Yep. Absolutely, absolutely, it’s.

00:11:39

Jack

It’s it’s an antiquated idea, an old idea that persists. But you know, it would be much fairer to just split everything down the middle, you know, or you know.

00:11:50

발표자

Right.

00:11:52

Jack

I think going going.

00:11:53

Jack

One step further and just having the couple pay for the weddings themselves. Get the parents out of it and you can invite them.

00:12:00

Jack

Or not invite them. But you know, yeah, I I think.

00:12:06

Jack

That that’s a better system.

00:12:08

Jack

OK, I think we got I think we captured this one.

00:12:10

Xochitl

All right. Yeah. All right, listeners, if you are, if that answered your questions, please let us know and shoot us an e-mail. Let us know if there’s a similar thing like a dairy or bride price in your culture. She does an e-mail at AZ englishpodcast.com, leave a comment down below on our website.

00:12:30

Xochitl

It is the English podcast.com.

00:12:35

Xochitl

We’ll see you guys next time and also join our WeChat.

00:12:37

Xochitl

Or WhatsApp groups.

00:12:38

발표자

Bye bye.