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In this episode of The A to Z English Podcast, Xochitl and Jack decide whether a person is a jerk for wanting to split the bill according to what each person owes as opposed to splitting the bill evenly.
Transcript:
00:00:01
Jack
Welcome to the A-Z English podcast. My name is Jack and I’m here with my co-host social. And today we are going to do an am I the jerk situation. So social. I’m going to read you a situation from one of our listeners and then we’re going to give some advice and say whether the person is the jerk.
00:00:22
Jack
Or not the jerk. So here’s the situation.
00:00:26
Jack
I was at a restaurant with a group of friends when the bill arrived, everyone decided to split it evenly, even though I only ordered a salad and a glass of water, while others ordered multiple appetizers, drinks and desserts.
00:00:41
Jack
I felt it was unfair to pay the same amount as everyone else since I didn’t consume as much.
00:00:48
Jack
However, I didn’t want to cause conflict or appear stingy by asking to split the bill based on what each person ordered.
00:00:58
Jack
So now I’m torn between speaking up for myself or staying quiet to avoid confrontation.
00:01:08
Jack
Am I the jerk?
00:01:11
Xochitl
Well, how would they?
00:01:13
Xochitl
Be the I’m confused on how on why they think they would be a jerk.
00:01:18
Jack
I think they’re saying am I the jerk if I, if I don’t pay, if I only pay my portion, if I don’t do the split bill thing?
00:01:28
Xochitl
No, I don’t. I don’t think there’s any reason to think they would be the jerk because they only paid I’m a I’m a big fan of, I mean.
00:01:38
Xochitl
Uh. In cultures where or in, in friendships and stuff where you might maybe alternate UM.
00:01:45
Xochitl
Paying the bill, putting the bill when everyone goes out, I think that’s fine. But also, if someone’s only got a small thing, I don’t think it’s fair to make them pay evenly. Split the bill evenly. What do you think, Jack?
00:02:00
Jack
Yeah, this has happened to me too before where I think I I ordered like 1 drink and then the people that I was joining had been there for hours eating, drinking whiskey.
00:02:12
Jack
I mean, just like, you know, racking up the bill.
00:02:17
Jack
And then they go. All right, let’s split it all up, you know? And then they gave me, like, a a huge bill.
00:02:24
Jack
A huge portion of the bill and I said.
00:02:28
Jack
Look, I I only had one drink.
00:02:31
Jack
I’m not paying for your, you know, whole meal that I never got to enjoy. And the whiskey that I never got to drink, you know? And they looked at me kind of weird, but they they I think they understood, you know the situation.
00:02:37
Xochitl
Right.
00:02:50
Jack
In this case, I don’t know. I’m kind of like.
00:02:55
Jack
I don’t know.
00:02:56
Jack
I there’s there’s a few. I have a few kind of ideas about it. My first idea is like if you can’t afford to go out to a restaurant, just don’t go.
00:03:08
Jack
You know what I mean? Like, sometimes the people go, oh, I can’t really afford this, but I’m going to go and just have a salad and that will somehow.
00:03:10
Xochitl
Right.
00:03:18
Jack
Then I can afford that salad and then I get to to be with the people. And then when they split the bill, you realize ohh now I’ve got to pay more and.
00:03:29
Jack
In that case, I just feel like maybe you maybe that that restaurant is just too expensive for, for you and it’s better to just decline the the offer the invitation even though you really want to go. I think you have to, you know, know what you can afford and what you can’t afford. And there’s they’re really.
00:03:49
Jack
You know, shortcuts can backfire, you know.
00:03:54
Jack
And on the other hand, what I’m what I’m thinking is that like, just from a purely fairness standpoint, it doesn’t seem fair that just one little salad that costs $10 and now you have to pay $30.00 because your friends were ordering drinks and they were someone had a tomahawk.
00:04:15
Jack
Steak. And you know what I mean? It’s like that’s totally unfair. And so calling calling it out.
00:04:22
Jack
It depends on. I mean if the whole group is kind of like always does it with the split bill, then you should just order more and.
00:04:32
Jack
Get your money’s worth.
00:04:35
Jack
Or don’t go in the first place.
00:04:39
Jack
But in this particular instance, I think it’s OK to say something, but but I wouldn’t do it again. I wouldn’t walk back into that trap again next time.
00:04:49
Xochitl
What do you mean by like? Walk back in that trap.
00:04:52
Jack
Well, obviously if you if the friends are like if you’ve got friends with money or whatever and like it sounds like this situation, but that person doesn’t have much money, I would say.
00:05:05
Jack
Don’t go out to dinner with them again. You know, because it’s they’re, you know, they’re they’re they’ve got a a kind of system and they’re on a certain pay level, you know, economic level and maybe you’re just not there. So I for me I would just feel uncomfortable.
00:05:27
Jack
Should be in that situation because it would give me anxiety. I would be thinking about the bill from the very beginning of the meal instead of just enjoying my time and having drinks like I would. Much rather go to a cheaper restaurant where I know how much things cost and.
00:05:44
Jack
And and not have to worry about the the money.
00:05:49
Xochitl
I guess that I don’t think you should have to limit yourself just because.
00:05:53
Xochitl
Just because I guess my thing is, I think it’s OK to go, I think.
00:05:59
Xochitl
It’s I think it’s crappy.
00:06:07
Xochitl
For the friends.
00:06:10
Xochitl
I guess my thing is like I think they should still be able to go next time it’s.
00:06:14
Xochitl
Just why not?
00:06:14
Xochitl
Just clear up how the bill is being handled ahead of time so that before you order before you ask for the bill, so there’s no misunderstanding.
00:06:24
Xochitl
UM.
00:06:26
Xochitl
You know just.
00:06:26
Jack
Yeah, this is and this is the. This is all about, like appearances, right or like, how you’re being interpreted. So I think this person is afraid they’re going to be interpreted as being stingy.
00:06:39
Jack
And I think maybe that group of friends that she’s hanging out with might.
00:06:47
Jack
Judge her as like ohh, uh or him. I don’t know who. If it’s man or woman, I might say like you know, well, every time we go with Jack, we have to split the bill evenly and it’s really annoying and.
00:07:01
Jack
You know, like, I don’t know. I guess it just too of I I would just avoid that situation personally. But then like you said, I mean you are missing out on the experience of hanging out with your friends. But if they’re your real friends, then they probably would would take your economic situation into consideration.
00:07:20
Jack
And not make you pay for their expensive meal, the appetizers and and entrees and desserts and drinks and things.
00:07:31
Jack
Like that.
00:07:32
Jack
So I don’t know, I guess I’m. I’m just, I’m torn. I’m I’m really in the middle.
00:07:32
발표자
And yes, you can fly.
00:07:35
Xochitl
I feel like that they’re your real friends.
00:07:38
Xochitl
Then why is this an issue?
00:07:42
Xochitl
Unless you don’t like, you really don’t have a backbone. You’re, like, really scared of of rejection or something? If they’re your real friends, why can’t you just say, hey, guys, I’m on a budget.
00:07:53
Xochitl
UM.
00:07:55
Xochitl
I’m happy to see you guys, but I can we just distribute the bill and everyone pays for like what they.
00:08:04
Xochitl
Because I don’t know. For me, I’m like, I think it’s fine. One thing I really struggled with when I, like, moved to Korea is.
00:08:12
Xochitl
And uh, foreigners did this, like more often than Koreans, and in my experience, like foreigners living there is like, people would pay for every, like if we go out to a restaurant like my friend group, like one person would pay for everyone’s food and then next time we go out, the other person pays for everyone’s drinks. And like, so on and so forth. And I just.
00:08:32
Xochitl
I it gave me anxiety because I didn’t like.
00:08:34
Xochitl
People paying for my stocks like that.
00:08:36
Jack
And you know that your your turn and your shout is coming eventually.
00:08:42
Xochitl
Yeah. And also The thing is like why we could all just pay like I don’t want to sound, I’m just probably doesn’t make me sound stingy and I’m OK with that. It’s just like, why do we all have to pay? Like, it’s like we’re all. It’s like we go out and it’s like.
00:08:57
Xochitl
If you’re paying for everyone’s round of drinks or whatever, you’re automatically going to be paying for four drinks.
00:09:05
Xochitl
And maybe you just want to have one drink that night.
00:09:08
Jack
Right now, you gotta have 4 drinks.
00:09:10
Xochitl
And then then.
00:09:12
Xochitl
You can get your money bread.
00:09:14
Jack
Yeah. Or you’re going to get or you’re going to get messed. You’re going to get screwed, yeah.
00:09:18
Xochitl
Yeah, yeah. And so like, that’s the thing that I didn’t like is like it just made. It’s like the thing that made me uncomfortable. And it even if, like, there was one guy in the in the friend group that for some reason had a lot more money than everyone else. And he always, like, would insist on paying for everyone. And it made me, like, uncomfortable, because I just felt like it wasn’t.
00:09:40
Xochitl
Fair to him because.
00:09:43
Xochitl
Like we’re going out on his dime.
00:09:45
Jack
Was he British or?
00:09:45
Xochitl
A lot of.
00:09:47
Xochitl
No, no, he was. Well, I don’t know. I I think he was South African, I think.
00:09:53
Jack
OK, OK.
00:09:54
Xochitl
No, I’m a liar.
00:09:55
Xochitl
His his girlfriend was South African. He was from the US.
00:09:59
Jack
Ohh. OK OK. Yeah, it’s it’s a very British thing. You know my round, then you get the next round and the next round. That’s a very British thing. Americans are much more likely to just buy their own drinks individually.
00:10:13
Xochitl
He was. I mean, I think the whole thing is like we were in Korea and it’s a kind of a Korean culture thing. It’s like one person pays a lot of the time.
00:10:20
Jack
Yeah. The oldest person. Yeah. Which sucks. When you get old like me, so.
00:10:26
Xochitl
Yeah, he was actually the youngest, and I don’t know. I just felt really a lot of times he would pay like, one time I went to get Kate Barbecue and he paid, like, the whole bill. I tried to pay, but he beat me to it. And then another time we went to get like.
00:10:42
Xochitl
We all went out for like drinks, I think, and he paid for everyone’s drinks and like it was just something. It would just make me so uncomfortable cause it’s like I don’t like owing people like that. I it’s like it’s not. They think that we owed him. He he didn’t care and he was really generous. But I in my mind it’s like I owe you now and I it’s owing.
00:11:01
Jack
Yeah, I’m the same way.
00:11:03
Jack
I I like. I like paying for.
00:11:04
Jack
Myself, taking care of myself. I don’t know. That’s just so in this case, I’m going to say not the jerk because it just makes sense to me to pay yourself for what you pay for what you ate. Like, why is that not enough? Why? Why can’t that be? Well, if you only want a salad, you’re not hungry.
00:11:26
Jack
Why can’t why isn’t it? Why?
00:11:27
Jack
Can’t I just pay for my salad?
00:11:30
Xochitl
Right. Why can’t you just get a salad? Yeah, I don’t know. I think it’s just like it’s weird cause it to me, just like smells. Lot of like, it leaks of like, those people aren’t your friends. Really. Because if they’re really your friends, you could be like guys, you know, I’m broke right now, and then they wouldn’t even put you in that situation.
00:11:49
Xochitl
Begin with.
00:11:50
Jack
Yeah, that’s true. That’s true.
00:11:51
Xochitl
No, not the jerk. But like get better friends. Because for me, if my friend was broke and.
00:11:58
Xochitl
We were all going out. I’d be like, hey, I’ve got you. Or, like, between us, we’d be like, hey, like, we’ll each pitch in five and cover their tab. You know, obviously, it’s not like, an every time thing, but sometimes someone wants to join you, and they can’t for whatever reason and in between friends, there’s nothing wrong with pitching in. So not.
00:12:06
발표자
Right.
00:12:18
Xochitl
To me, but you know, get better friends, maybe.
00:12:18
Jack
Not the joke.
00:12:21
Jack
Yeah, not that jerk can get better friends.
00:12:23
Xochitl
Yeah. So, listeners, what do you guys think? Is this person a jerk or not? Let us know in a comment@8zenglishpodcast.com, shoot us an e-mail at AZ English.
00:12:32
Xochitl
Podcast@gmail.com.
00:12:34
Xochitl
And join our we chat lots of groups to join the conversations and make sure to remember that you can always e-mail us if you have a what the jerk situation that you want us to read on the podcast.
00:12:43
Xochitl
See you guys next time. Bye bye
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